the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
