So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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