i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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