Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
