dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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