Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
