I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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