I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
