Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
