I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need a beard to bite.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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