he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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