dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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