I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
