I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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