I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
