lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
