Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
