thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
be right there i have to get my cape
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
