i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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