Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.