Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
