we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions