VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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