im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
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i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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