i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
