But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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