Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
