is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
