I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is it penis luge time yet?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
