Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
