Since when is my name a synonym for head?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
