I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
