Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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