so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
