I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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