I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
