Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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