i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
