the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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