$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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