i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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