Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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