listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I supernannyed him into submission
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
