If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
