When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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