he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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