Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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