can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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