so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
