he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
