Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
