ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
