I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
