in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
