Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize