i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
