Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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