If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
