Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
