are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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