I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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