I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
