My hand turned me down
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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