Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
