porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
