I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
