I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i think my tv is drunk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
