me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
