Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
