Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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