I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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