I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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