i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
