I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
