Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
