The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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