i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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